For 29 years, I preached to kids and parents:
‘Support the entire team, not just your child. I understand that your child is more important to you than the others are, and that you would rather see them do well more than anyone else…..it’s ok to feel that way, but it doesn’t have to prevent you from supporting the entire team.’
But, is that really as easy to do, as it is to say?
Is it easy to get emotionally (and sometimes financially) invested in a team, when your child is not playing much on that team? I think that is a really hard question to answer for a coach because coaches just don’t get the opportunity very often to ‘walk a mile in those shoes’ so to speak. As a coach, it’s easy for us to think in terms of ‘team‘ because for the most part we are judged on how the entire team does instead of one or two particular players. That fact makes it extremely difficult to think in the same terms as a parent does, even when we have kids playing.
Well, recently, I’ve had the opportunity to answer that question from ‘the other side of the fence’ so to speak…..from a parent’s perspective instead of a coach’s perspective.
After high school, my son was given the opportunity to keep pitching in college…..we were no longer a coach at, or employeesat, the school at which our son played…..we were simply the parents of a kid on the team. So, we were now in a position to either support the entire team or make it all about our son.
His first year, he was a reliever…..which meant we didn’t know when he was going to pitch. So, we were at every game, not knowing if he was even going to get in the game. As is the life of a reliever, more often than not, he didn’t get in. His second year, he became a starter. He started the first game of the 4 game weekend series, which meant he was not going to get in the other 3 games of the weekend. We now had the option of truly supporting the entire team by hanging around after our son was done….or, going home and enjoying the rest of the weekend.
What I found out was, it’s really NOT that hard to support the entire team instead of just an individual kid!!
Personally, the thought of not staying and watching all the games never crossed my mind…..it was my son’s team, so it was my job to support him by supporting the team he was a part of. One day, I was asked by a friend (who’s son was a pitcher on another team): ‘do you find it hard to go to the games when you know your son is not pitching?’
My response was pretty easy: ‘I spent 29 years trying to get parents to support the entire team, now that I am in that situation myself, it’s easy for me to practice what I tried to preach all those years’
The more I thought about it….I actually felt sorry for those that were there ONLY for their son. They were missing out on a great time! The time spent with my son while he was a part of a team has been special. Some may think that I am trying to relive my youth thru him…..not true at all! I’m trying to live his youth WITH him. I wouldn’t miss this time for anything in the world. I know that I am blessed to be in this situation
It’s all about perspective: All I ever wanted was for my kids to be contributing members of good teams, and he’s had the opportunity to do that.
Often times, things are not as easy for parents to do as we coaches want them to be….but in this case it actually is not that hard. Support the entire team! Your son/daughter will have more fun and y’all will get more quality time as a family.